LJ Idol Minor+ Prompt1: "There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days"

[sorchawench]

Life should not be measured by a birthdate and death date, but by the dash between those dates on a tombstone. Endless numbered days we have to live, hopefully, a good life.

~*~

When I was 5, I was plagued by the desire to stab myself in the stomach, for unknown reasons.

When I was 11, there were living nightmares that chased me through my dreams.

When I was 15, I would suffer from panic attacks that would leave me passed out, gasping for breath on the floor.

When I was 39, I lost my mother to complications of Multiple Sclerosis.

I have known extreme fear and pain, and panic, and sadness.

For the longest time, I let it rule my life. I avoided people, I didn't attend school, I never had what one might consider a normal childhood. People around me walked on eggshells, for fear of triggering an episode of panic or depression.

But as the prompt says, "There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days".

~*~

Thanks to medication and a LOT of therapy, I'm a mostly functioning adult now. There are things I was plagued with as a child that have drifted away.

Gone now is the completely paralyzing fear. Gone now are the random urges to hurt myself. Gone now are the panic attacks where I would pass out from the overwhelming anxiety.

I still have bad days from time to time. Days when I just *can't*. But those days are fewer now. More good days than bad ones.

~*~

When I was growing up we would visit an Aunt and Uncle who lived in Missouri next to a lake that was fed by freshwater ground springs. I remember visiting those springs, at the source and laying in the cool water, letting it flow over my body, washing away my troubles.

One of my favorite ways of destressing now is a cool shower, where I can just stand there and let the water pour over me. Taking me back to those carefree days in the springwater, when all I had to do was float and daydream. Letting my troubles drift away.

~*~

My dash hasn't always been the easiest to live, but by the time my days have drifted, I hope that it was a dash worthy of remembering...

Comments

[unmowngrass]

You conveyed the tone of this well. Glad things are doing better for you these days.

[sorchawench]

Thank you.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Very nice - I don't exactly relate but I see you and feel you, and I think that's important. I'm glad that your dash has gotten better, and here's to hoping it continues to steadily get better as time goes on.

Interestingly, one of my favorite ways to destress is in the shower as well, but I much prefer turning the hot water on full-blast - my husband likes to say I'm going to cook myself. :)

[sorchawench]

Being seen is very important, as we frequently hide away so much, that we feel unseen.

There's something about pounding water rushing over you that is cleansing to both body and soul. Now that we're coming into winter, it'll be hot showers (I'm nuts, but not completely insane). And yes, I'll be boiling myself like a lobster. It's either/or for me. Cold or boiling hot.

[chasing_silver]

I like the idea of describing the "dash" that makes up our life story. Thank you.

[sorchawench]

It was similar to something I'd read once, and it felt right putting it in here. Thanks for reading!

[rayaso]

I loved your opening sentence - what a great aphorism! I'm glad life is better. Being a "mostly functioning adult" is about all we achieve.

[sorchawench]

Thank you! I aspire to be a functioning adult most days that end in Y.

[erulissedances]

I love that first sentence. It sets the tone for the entire tale and makes your achievements so far wonderful, shimmering and worthy of respect

- Erulisse (one L)

[sorchawench]

Thank you so much!

[halfshellvenus]

I'm sure glad you were able to get your anixety under control, and no longer have to spend so much time fighting it and trying to find your way past it. What an enormous relief that must be!

[sorchawench]

Thank you! I'm glad there are more good days than bad now.