Well....

[sorchawench]

Virgina's mother passed last night.

I've always looked at death as a blessing and a sadness. This is no different. V. was blessed to grow closer to her mother this last year than they've been in years. And after all that woman had been through, passing on means she's not in pain anymore.

She had a very strong faith and knew exactly where she was going in the afterlife. We should all be so lucky to have that comfort.

I sometimes feel like I'm not normal in that I view the death of an ill person as more a blessing than anything else. I feel very ambivalent about the sadness and instead focus more heavily on what the person ISN'T going through anymore. And, what they've moved on to. Blessings.

I lost the last of my grandparents when I was in my late teens. I recall being sad, but not devastated. I wasn't raised with that strong sense of family to begin with, and while I loved them, I wasn't very close to them.

When we lost TMF's grandparents, I was sad, but again, I felt....detached. Like I was watching a level of grief I could understand, but not really touch.

I wonder how I'd feel if it was my parents, TMF, or Demon. Do I want to feel that sense of loss that I see others feeling? Or would I still feel sad, but better about the death since it was an end to suffering?

Semi morbid thoughts on a rainy gloomy day.

Comments

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

*love and hugs*

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[eveshka.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

How well I know those feelings. I think Medical disassociates us from the socioemotional aspect of death. We end up rationalizing and understanding it a little too much.

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

Lord, you should have heard me when I found out that they brought her HOME with 3x/day nursing care. They had NO IDEA what they had gotten themselves into, full time care for a fully disabled terminal patient. V had mentioned that they had thought the hospital would leave the catheter. Nope. They had hoped that she would be able to assist with moving/toileting/expressing her needs. Nope.

I told V. that at the next family meeting they needed to call me, I would be the voice of semi-experience and reason and let them know that it was only going to GET WORSE.

It's bad enough to care for a client. It's a million times worse when it's a family member.

[eveshka.livejournal.com]

That is 100% why my Grandfather (late stages of Alzheimer's, Severe Dementia) is in a nursing home. He's on Comfort Care now, and there's no way my 86-year-old Grandmother or my 61-year old mother can handle that.

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

I'd never really explored or heard much about home Hospice care. But apparently all Medicare (or whatever they have) pays for is nurse visits...not full time care. Not even a CNA.

I love Hospice. Angels in flesh, those people. But I wonder if her family was actually counseled on what they might have been facing. Thank the Gods she was only home for 6 hours or so before the end.

[eveshka.livejournal.com]

Yes, Hospice people are... amazing. They had hospice for a little while, but he fell beyond what they were capable of handling. :(

I'm glad for V's sake that it didn't end up being long and lingering. My Mom and Grandmother are living with the long and lingering and it might just be the end of them.

[dragontdc.livejournal.com]

I believe that how we die can be as important as how we live. Death can be a merciful end to long suffering or a surprise blow that shatters the soul.

[jaipur.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about being glad that the suffering is over. My condolences to Virginia, though. I know that no matter how much pain my mother was in, I'd still be devastated when she was gone.