THE ABSOLUTE WORST DESSERT IN THE WORLD! DO NOT MAKE THIS EVER!!!!

[sorchawench]

For your own safety I am posting this, in case it ever crosses your plate or path. Whatever you do, for the love of God, DO NOT EAT THIS!!! This cursed terror has been passed down in my family for 3 generations now. My grandmother, my mother, and now me. Please, I know what evil lurks here. My family is highly trained to deal with this situation.

First off, if you have a 13x9 or larger cake pan, especially if it has deep sides, get rid of it.

You have no idea how close you are to doom.

Do not....I repeat, DO NOT buy a dark chocolate cake mix, 2 boxes of instant cheesecake mix, 2 boxes of chocolate pudding mix, 2 cans of dark sweet cherries in heavy syrup, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and a large tub of cool whip.

Walk away now.....

Do not bake the cake and then cut and mix it into small chunks!

Go no farther.....

Do not liberally douse the cake with chocolate syrup and the syrup from the cans of cherries!

Abandon all hope.....

Do not mix the pudding. Do not mix the cheesecake. For all that's holy....do not let them set up!

Jesus wept....

Do not add a can of cherries to the cake. And whatever you do, do not spread the pudding on top of them!

Seriously....stop now.....

Put that bowl of cheesecake down. Stop. Don't...stop....don't put it on top of the pudding!

Think of the children.....

Cease and desist with the spreading of that second can of cherries!

Before it's too late.....

No...please....not the cool whip!

I realize, at this point, you might be tempted, but you must resist. Throw it out. Do not let it chill in the fridge for a couple of hours!

Look, if you've come this far, and still you've not heeded me, all I can do is pray that you will listen to my last dire warning. You don't want to do this. You have a life. You have a reason to go on. Do not do this. Once you do, there is no turning back.

Box it up, put it in the car, and ship it far away. I'll give you my address, I know a safe place to dispose of it.

Comments

[art-witch.livejournal.com]

I am not going to make this this weekend.

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

For the safety of you and yours, this is a wise decision.

[pandorarose.livejournal.com]

Have I ever told you how much I truly love you ..... *giggles*

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

Thank you, but I feel it is my mission in life to warn others of hidden dangers.

[ayoub.livejournal.com]

Well, seeing as I'm not a fan of cherries :D

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

It is equally as horrible and dangerous with other berries. DO NOT BE FOOLED!!!!

[morgie.livejournal.com]

Let me guess. Those trained individuals will have to devour it to dispose of it properly, as it is not safe for wildlife, or passerbys? ;)

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

Due to possible copyright issues our methods of disposal will have to remain a secret.

Please to ignore the spoons in the sink.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

LMAO!!!

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

I think first of the safety of others....

[greeklady.livejournal.com]

I need a picture. My brain can't wrap around how to apply the cheesecake.

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

No bake cheesecake actually spreads like pudding. Scoop, drop, and spread.

AGH!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! NO, NO....FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID!

Actually, when we finish this pan, I was going to make another, take some to Mom and Dad. I could do a pictorial thing then.

[carrims.livejournal.com]

*drools*

What's cool whip? Is it like cream? I have to make this, maybe it's affect is different in England?!?! I promise I'll be careful... I'll let you know...

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

What the hell? No cool whip? It's whipped cream....kinda. In a tub. I dunno....you English types are weird. No cool whip.....it's....un-American. ;)

http://brands.kraftfoods.com/CoolWhip

[demariana.livejournal.com]

Wonder how it would work w/o any berries... Maybe chocolate chips instead...more chocolate syrup instead of the juice...

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

Well, Grandma started it.

Then Mom began liberally dousing the cake with chocolate syrup.

Then I got it and added the cheesecake and cherries.

It is equally as horrible with chocolate syrup on the cake and no berries as with.

[his-angel.livejournal.com]

I might need better directions, cooking times and temps so I can know I am NOT making it correctly.

[sorchawench.livejournal.com]

The sad truth is, you could make a cake from scratch, and bake a crust-less cheesecake and all that....but it's so much faster to get stuff from Wal-Mart. The cake is the only baked item, and you just gotta follow the directions on the box. Everything else is mix, let it set up, and spread.

I'm likely going to be making another of these this upcoming weekend. I will do a pictorial post then.