sorchawench: (Mouse)
[personal profile] sorchawench
(Names have been changed to protect the questionably innocent)

~*~

Brushback Pitch: An inside, usually high fastball intended to force the batter to move away from the plate.

There's going to be some back story to this post, but it's going to be necessary for the topic. I only hope I don't bore you to death!

~*~

I am a member of the SCA (The Society for Creative Anachronism). It's a historical reenactment group, focusing on the middle ages. I've been in it for almost 29 years now....so I guess you could say that I'm slightly committed.

In the SCA, you have the opportunity to form some very close friendships with people you'd never give a second look at, on the streets.

Sometimes those friendships get very close.

There's a quote by Oliver Hudson, "Blood relatives often have nothing to do with family, and similarly, family is about who you choose to make your life with."

This can be exceptionally true in the SCA.

In the SCA, groups are broken down from Kingdoms to Baronies to Shires and so forth. The Kingdom encompasses all of the individual groups, which are classified by population numbers.

You tend to form very close relationships with the people in your group.

But it goes beyond that. Sometimes you'll meet a group of people who share your ideals, your morals, your weirdness. It's THESE people who become *FAMILY*.

In the SCA we call these groups Households.

I have such a family. Two actually. Although, the lines between the two have become so intermingled over the years, it's hard to tell where one begins and the other one ends.

My original family, my sisters, became a huge part of my teen years in the SCA. We were all underage, exploring our new found powers of being women, and frankly....got ourselves into some difficult situations.

So, we banded together and formed House Anthrax....based off of Monty Python's Holy Grail movie.

We were still exploring our power, but now we had backup. A safe zone. My sisters entrusted me with the task of being the Matriarch of the House.

We had various goals with our House. We were all wenches, in persona, and we were quite good at it. But we also loved the SCA, and we believed that you could improve your experience if you helped improve someone else's. So, we were volunteers. We did everything. Set up, break down, serving feasts, helping wherever we could.

And, at the heart of it all....we were together. Family.

Over the years we've had our share of issues. You try putting 9 or more teen girls together and NOT have a squabble. But, they have always been resolved, and we learn to love each other for our differences as well as our shared identity.

~*~

But, the other day I had an issue. One of my sisters, C, became embroiled in an argument with another friend of mine on FB. It didn't end well.

I'm not just focusing on the things she did wrong during this argument, but acknowledge that they were BOTH stubborn asses and someone with some common sense should have stepped in and told them both to knock it off before it got dirty.

Unfortunately, the dirty part of this argument happened at 5:30 in the morning....and I am NEVER willingly awake at that hour.

So, when I did get up I saw the disaster, and I saw my sister's messages to me. During the argument (that neither of them would drop), my friend DG called her a twat. A fucking dumbass twat, to be exact.

In the beginning of this argument, I had told them both to keep it civil.....but C is passionate about her politics, and has a need to be right. And early in the argument, my friend DG told her to fuck off.

And that's where it should have stopped. But....as I said...stubborn asses.

So....after almost 2 hours of back and forth arguing....he called her a twat.

~*~

Her messages to me that morning were adamant that I should call him out publicly for using such language, especially to a woman.

I was tired. And a little pissed at both of them for being idiots.

And yes, I messaged him and told him that I wasn't going to put up with "twat" on my FB. But I chose not to rehash a pointless argument and make a public post about it.

I also messaged her. And I explained why I wasn't going to make a public post, calling and singling him out.

This did not make her very happy. She got immensely angry with me. And while I tried to explain my situation, she only got angrier.

She accused me of calling her out, publicly....when the only comment I had made on the entire thread was that she had made a wrong assumption about DG.

She said I crossed a line for that one comment and said that I was basically biased if I wasn't going to do the same to my other friends.

I tried pointing out that I *hadn't* called her out. And online arguments are usually circular and pointless, especially when someone gets truly angry. People shut down, stop listening. Brick wall.

And, perhaps it wasn't the best timing, I pointed out that if she was going to get THIS angry about someone calling her a dirty name on the internet.....well.....I foresaw a lot of problems in her future.

~*~

That's when she threw the pitch.

I wasn't expecting it. I didn't see the angle of the stance she was taking. She punched the ball in her glove a time or two, took a long hard look at me, standing on the plate, waiting, and she threw the ball....

"I'm done trying to make amends. I'm done trying to get you to understand where I was coming from. I am done being your sister.

I'll treat you like your shitty ass friend DG treated me. Fuck off, bitch"


~*~

Now....we've all probably Googled what a Brushback Pitch is. Gary is good at throwing topics at us that make us go....."What?!?!".

Google basically told me that a Brushback Pitch is a pitch aimed close to the body so that the batter must step back to avoid it.

And boy, howdy....did she ever throw a winner.

~*~

I've known C for YEARS. We've had many an adventure together. I've been her support through a recent separation from her husband.

We've discussed her tendency to react to something emotional instead of analyzing and looking at the options available.

Instead, she followed, true to her nature, unfriended me, left the Household FB group, and I'm guessing, washed her hands of me, the House, and everything.

To say that I wasn't ready for THAT pitch would be an understatement. You don't expect behavior like that from *FAMILY*.

~*~

In baseball a brushback can be an effective part of pitching. It can help the pitcher to "reclaim" the corners of the strike zone by forcing the batter to stand farther away.

But, the home plate umpire may warn or eject a pitcher he feels is intentionally trying to hit a batter.

I really wish I'd had a home plate umpire that day. Because she didn't pitch to "reclaim" the corners.

With her parting shot, she intentionally threw to hit the batter.

I've shared this news with the Household. I have tried very hard to NOT make this look like it's all C's fault.

Faults were made by all.

I've spoken personally to a couple of the sisters who have been in the House for a very long time. And they pretty much agree that the best idea is to give her time and space. To calm down. To rethink her actions.

And then we'll see what happens.

And, I agree. It is the best choice. And, I'd like to think of myself as a pretty easy going, forgiving person. But I'm having some trouble with this. Her parting shot....that pitch...was intended on hitting me in a very personal way.

And, it did.

I may need as much time as she does to come to a point of acceptance.....and maybe forgiveness.

But, I'm not sure if I can.

~*~

I'm also questioning my position as head of the House. I'm the voice of reason. The one they come to when they need advice, or a shoulder, or a sympathetic ear.

This has made me question whether or not I should be that person.

One of our pledges told me the other day that I am one of the women she sees as a role model. I'm strong, independent, kind, and caring.

But....this week....I just don't feel like that person.
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